These are the wounding gifts they give us, us mothers of boys … proof that we are totally trusted and loving because they know we will never walk away no matter how tumultuous the emotional outburst, how hurtful or inconsiderate the behaviour. I did have to learn how to cope though …

I learned to say ‘please don’t say that it’s upsetting me’ or ‘its best we discuss this later’ or ‘I think it’s better if you catch the tram today’ when it got too much and I would calmly just walk away.

There was one mandatory rule that kept me sane – that if I called their mobile it had to be answered. I would not abuse the times I called but when I did they knew it had to be answered because it was to give me peace of mind – it was not negotiable. Both boys always honoured this request no matter how dreadful their behaviour.

What made all the pain melt away in seconds every year, was and is, my most treasured of birthday presents – my handwritten cards. Each year they tell of good and bad times, of apologies and expressions of love and pride that I am their mum with new promises of a wonderful year ahead… and I believe every word – because it is intended – it’s just life gets in the way sometimes !

I consider myself so lucky to have two independent, strong willed, intelligent, adorable sons … whose capacity to wound is in direct correlation to the debth of love I have for each of them.

It does get better the older they get but to be honest I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know I have helped them find their own emotional boundaries, to discover their own coping strategies and most importantly to understand how precious love is and that one day they will perform this role for their children just as my mother and father did for me.

You are a wonderful mother and your children show you they know this too … by sharing their emotional journeys – good and bad – with you boots and all.
Xxxx